I bought myself a birthday 🎈 gift... and I held myself back from celebrating.

One year ago, I test drove a new vehicle. 

As soon as I sat in the vehicle... it felt familiar. Like home. Natural. So comfortable.

Then life got busy, and I put it off.

I took a mindful pause over December. I slowed down. And... guess what popped up?

The vehicle I test drove. 

Despite being told it would be a 4-6 month wait to get the one I wanted... One landed in my lap. With a 1 month wait.

It arrived 1 week before my birthday.

It felt like a physical manifestation of my values - freedom, adventure and connection.

It felt like an expression of my independence. I can go up to the ski hill without getting stuck, I can drive down any back road I want for the perfect camping spot.

It felt like an acknowledgement of my landing, grounded and secure, as a single mama of 3. An expression of knowingness... that I am safe, and I am ok. And I am so much more than that... I am also abundant and I am thriving. 

But... for some reason... I hesitated to celebrate it. I couldn't figure out why I was holding myself back from this declaration. This symbol of my accomplishment.

Then, I came across something from Brene Brown about foreboding joy. 

Joy is an incredibly vulnerable feeling. And Brene shares that often when things feel so joyful, it is risky, so we start to hesitate, and hold back... in case we are hit with a disappointment.

• Don't let yourself be too happy, incase you are let down.
•  Don't let yourself love too fully, incase you get your heart broken.
• Don't let yourself celebrate a success too richly, incase your next attempt is a fail.
• Don't let yourself be too wild, incase you feel pressure to tame.
• Don't surrender to wellbeing beyond your wildest dreams, in case you get hurt.

When we succumb to this way of being... we are living a shell of what's possible.

We are living a watered down version of our power and potency.

  So... I am here for the full-out fucking celebration.

I welcome the fails, the heartbreaks, the let downs and the hurt. I know they are part of the reason my life is so rich. And the willingness to walk through the hard is what makes my life so meaningful to me. And what makes my delights so damn delightful!

✨ Let's normalize that success and failure walk together.

✨ And heartbreak and love go hand in hand.

✨ Energy is expressed through contrast, polarity and ebb and flow.

✨ When you dull the contrast, you also dull the expansion.

And I am not willing to do that... period.

I am fully here to celebrate my wins... and your wins. And I will sit with myself... and hold myself... through my fails. And I will hold space for you to do the same.

You get to celebrate and feel joy. All of it. You are worthy of it. Joy is not a limited resource. Feeling it... will actually pave the way for more. And this is what I want for you.

Soooo... do you want to meet Frankie the 4Runner??  She took me out on our inaugural wild adventure and it was bliss... and I made a reel about it!!